he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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