Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
