Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
