Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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