Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
