Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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