Im at strip club and am horny
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
