i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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