Just fell off a train. Bad.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
