I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
