Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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