I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We are two peas in an std pod
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
