i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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