I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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