please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
