Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
