He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
