I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
