is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
