It's Friday. Sex?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
