Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
