You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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