Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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