i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
