I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT