: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first