He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to align my fucking chakras
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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