What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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