So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
