he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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