Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
