Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Be still, my beating vagina.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
