Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
