She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize