I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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