pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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