its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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