i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
