You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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