This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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