i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
