Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
