How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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