oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will be naked everywhere
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
