it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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