My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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