pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
