They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
