Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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