FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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