Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
