college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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