why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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