I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
