Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
