people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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