Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
