I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
