absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
