All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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