Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
