Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
