Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
