I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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