sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
