New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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