i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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