I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
