Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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