Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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