your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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