didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
