my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
