video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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