Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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