I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
