I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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