According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can I color on your dick again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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