Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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