I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
